i would have picture to post, but of course, my dad keeps conveniently forgetting to put them on this computer, and since i lack the simple technological ability to do it myself, i remain image-less. so i guess im stuck with just thoughts, although ill curb the desire to just post some random crappy poem (dont worry, i know you all hate them)

back from carolina. it was amazing...like too amazing, im so afraid im not gonna be able to hack it. everybody there is really smart- they all kind of know each other and i definitely stick out. but in a lot of ways its fun to stick out and i liked being with a whole different kind of people.

its weird because i found myself really wanting to fit in...but ive never been the kind of person who settled for just fitting in and so there's this part of me that is looking for someway to stand out. so is it better to fit in, or stand out?

and im afraid to go and be alone, and not find somebody to love me like i want to be loved and never get married...but if i do all that, then when will i get the chance to flamenco in sevilla or learn how to really dance in india or see the gusanos when castro really falls? im afraid of waking up one day and realizing that i lived my life the way i did because i was too afraid to take any chances.

and now im home. and i find myself wondering...with a month + left before the rest of my life...if i cant tell people how i really feel, then when am i ever going to be able to? because i dont know if i can live with myself, spending yet another moment thinking one thing and saying another. do you ever do that? do you ever stare at somebody and think...'if you ONLY knew what i want to say to you rite at this moment'?

in the end, i think i am happy. but i wanna see if there isnt happier out there.